


Log

by cosmicking



Series: shit that shouldn't be published anywhere [2]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: F/M, Humor, Identity Reveal, Oblivo, crackfic, i've been awake for 30 hours, if this makes you laugh here you go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-12-18 07:37:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18245333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmicking/pseuds/cosmicking
Summary: Literally just watch the last 2 seconds of this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFilQcLS91A and you will understand why this fic is so appropriately namedLiteral crack. I've been up for 24+ hours. So has Adrien.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so glad this is how I get back into writing MLB fics, I've just been nothing but a HankCon trashcan for the past 3 months, and i know i am missing like 20 tags lol it's fine, no one dies, everyone is fine i swear, i'm so sorry for this but i laughed so much writing it, and yes i literally wrote it in 10 minutes running on only willpower which is fleeting and i will sleep soon.

Adrien's brain was apparently not on speaking terms with his body as he nearly fell asleep in biology for the fourth time. He was convinced that Ms Birdbitch was about to come over and peck at his neck until he bled, but instead she just forced him to stand up and explain what the difference between mitosis and meiosis was. The only words that came to Adrien's dumb sleep-deprived lizard brain were "The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell."

 

He was sent to the office. It was not his first time being there. Also, he was beginning to tire of the biard-resembling staff at the school. He guesses that they flock to their own kind. Of course though, he was able to beg his way out of his dad being called. As exhausted as he was, he quickly perked up at the mention of his father being involved in anything outside of school. Instead of yelling at him, Owl Boi told him that he should go to the nurse's office if he needed to sleep so badly. He obliged happily, and curled himself up into one of the mattresses before falling asleep.

 

His dream was incredible, but also somewhat familiar. Somehow, him and Ladybug had completely forgotten about each other. They came to the crazy conclusion that they were dating. And somehow, some way, his Lady was also the incredibly adorable, so-obvious-holy-shit-just-look Marinette. He noticed things about her and the way she thought that he never noticed before. She was always so quick-witted and adaptable to any situation. So smart, brave, even while clumsy. She was everything he could ever ask for and more.

 

As if his dream was slowly signaling him to wake up, he realized that they weren't supposed to know their identities. Or, at least, that's what his dream told him. It was like he fell in love all over again, and he was about to completely lose that love. When he asked if he could kiss her, and when their lips finally touched, was when he truly knew that he loved her no matter what, and would love her no matter what. Even without his memories, he knew that it was her he was in love with, not the idea of her. And he saw that she saw him for who he was. All he was. Not just what the world outside saw him as, a pretty face on a billboard.

 

When they broke away, and the ladybugs filled the sky, he finally woke up. He could see that the light from the window had now started to glow orange, and he figured that was his cue to call his ride. 

 

* * *

 

To say that felt more real than anything he'd experienced lately, was an understatement. He could hardly even think after that.

 

"Plagg... I had the weirdest dream ever. Apparently Marinette was Ladybug, how crazy would that be? And-and we kissed. And I really wish it was real."

 

"Oh. Wow. How strange." Plagg deadpanned. "It was almost like... It was almost like that happened or something. But I can't remember." He took a piece of camembert and shoved it in his mouth. "It's almost like the only girl in your entire school that wears pigtails and has black hair and blue eyes is Ladybug."

 

Adrien tilted his head. "How strange that would be..." He scratched his chin. "Anyway... I have to start patrol soon. Likely why sleep smacked into me like a truck earlier." 

 

Plagg screamed as he was shoved into his ring halfway through his first slice of cheese.

 

* * *

 

When he finally met up with Ladybug, his eyes lingered on her blues for a while, before flipping back and forth between her pigtails at an alarming rate, like he would see something magical between them that he'd never seen before.  _Blue eyes and pigtails... Marinette..._

 

"Marinette!" He exclaimed, looking straight at Ladybug in the eyes. "Oh wow, golly gee, I just remembered. Marinette has blue eyes and pigtails!"

 

Ladybug's expression twisted from something of straight-up horrified, to concerned, to worried for Chat. "Wh-why are you thinking about Marinette right now?!" She sounded near panicked. "You were just staring at me weird like you always do." 

 

"And _you_ were looking at that Adrien Agreste poster like _you_ always do. Do you have a problem, bugaboo, about me thinking about other girls?"

 

"What the-no! What?! I was just asking you a question, Chat-"

 

"For your information, yes I do have dreams about you, and sometimes they involve Marinette, a girl with blue eyes and pigtails who looks just as gorgeous."

 

Ladybug was looking at him, completely with concern now. "I didn't-"

 

"I'm sorry, my lady. I know I'm acting strange. I haven't properly slept in 5 days because of these late-night patrols and I ended up conking out in school so hard they sent me to the office. I had a dream that you were Marinette and I was Adrien Agreste. But I am Adrien Agreste, so I don't know why that's so weird." 

 

Ladybug blinked once, then twice, then a third time, processing what he had said before her brain and her body had a complete divorce and she started interdimensionally shifting. "You WHAT?!"

 

"Sorry, I couldn't hear you from the 7th stage of matter, could you repeat that?" She desperately wanted to wring her yo-yo around his neck.

 

Ladybug's brain began again, processing what Chat--Adrien had said, and yet, it still wasn't any easier now as it was the first time she had tried. If she was walking, her legs came to a complete stop and she could bet anything they could completely evaporate from her body.

 

"You-no. There is no way you're--"

 

"Whoops." Chat tilted his head back and forth so his bell jingled. "Guess that cat's out of the bag."

 

Ladybug's scream would've echoed if she didnt' call her lucky charm, which, thankfully, ended up being a pillow she could shout into. Before Chat could say anything more, she took her yo-yo and zoomed and zipped and skiddadled skidoodled before her entire body turned into a noodle.

 

What. The. Fuck.


	2. Please Don't Say You're Going to Lubricate My Sandwich

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> https://youtu.be/gsNeLX0Pd7M?t=360 <\-- the chapter title is an actual sentence that came from my mouth and somehow I thought of the fact that this fic, for some reason, has a bookmark already and almost 100 hits. send it to your friends folks, it's official that Micah has lost his mind. Also, there's going to be weed, be warned. edit: MARINETTEJUANA

When Marinette was finally able to settle in her current state of being after trying to get her brain and body into divorce court to decide the final ruling, she somehow was able to piece together that Adrien had always been Chat Noir, and, yes, she did indeed kiss Adrien, more than once in fact.

 

And, it hit her, like a brick through her window.

 

Because what really did hit her was a brick through her window. A cat-sized brick. And by cat, she meant human cat. Neko boy pounced on her lap and she wishes the impact killed her.

 

"Are you not going to give me any time to process this?????"

 

"My lady, I hate to be so blunt, but I very much want to lubricate your sandwich."

 

Marinette skipped interdimensional shifting this time and was enveloped by a black hole. When she returned, Chat was still sitting on her lap, and she still wished she had never learned what she learned. Or heard what she just heard.

 

"Please... please don't say you're going to lubricate my sandwich." Marinette swore she was the only sane person left on the planet. Alya would probably shit herself with the knowledge that she had, and honestly, she was ready to tell her so kitty boy would have to be DRAGGED BY HIS SCRUFF TO B E D for being a bad kitty. Instead of dealing with Chat's stupidity, Marinette decided to grab his ring and toss it off, detransforming him in front of her. 

 

And suddenly, Adrien Agreste was on her lap. And suddenly, she didn't mind the idea of her sandwich being lubricated. But they were the same person, she literally saw him detransform. She gave him his ring back. 

 

"Please, for the love of god and everything that's good and holy, sleep, you stupid cat."

 

"I caaaan't," He whined. "I've tried, it just gets harder and harder."

 

"Well..." Marinette pulled a bag from under her bed. "How about a little catnip then, kitty?"

 

":OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AMRINETT U ARE A SUPERHERO WHY DO U HAVE DRUG??"

 

Marinette ignored him, pulling out a pipe from under her bed, freshly cleaned. She filled it and lit the end, sucking in. "Oh, come on. Sometimes I need to relax, just a little bit." She took another drag before offering the pipe to Adrien. He didn't even hesitate. He sucked on that thing like he used to suck Nino's dick, as if he'd done it a million times before. 

 

"Woah there, tiger. You might want to slow down, it's strong for what it is-"

 

7 minutes pass, maybe.

 

"I CAN SMELL NUMBERS." 

 

Marinette burst into a fit of giggles before being able to calm herself down. "Okay kitty, just breathe."

 

Suddenly aware of his own breathing, Adrien exclaimed between breaths, "I CAN BREATHE??"

 

"I'm gonna go get you some cookies, alright? Just... Just stay here. Tikki protect him, please, make sure he doesn't inhale the carpet." The tiny kwami gave a little salute and Marinette was off, climbing down to the bakery and coming back up with a full plate of macarons.   
  


Adrien, however, was on the floor, going back and forth between asking what the FUCK Tikki was and petting her carpet and blankets because they were so soft. Marinette found another full bowl smoked. She sighed, a long and slow sigh. Not much she could really do. 

 

"Okay Kitty, here's some cookies, here's a pillow, and please don't hurt Tikki." Behind her, she could hear, clear as day, the squirrely laughter of something else. She turned to see Plagg, doubling over himself in the air, doing somersaults from how hard he was laughing.

 

"I've never seen him like this-- it's the best--hahaahah-best thing I've ever seen!" He was previously holding a phone, but it had dropped to the ground at some point. 

 

"Laadyybuggg-hehehe-I'd let you lubricate my sandwich anyday." Marinette gave a few seconds before bursting into laughter.


End file.
